Missing Sentiment.....

Sometimes you would just lie in your bed or sit and think to yourself how you are feeling.
The concept of emotion can sometimes be rather difficult to define in yourself and many times ambiguous therefore makes you think for a while.
You could believe to feel what you want to feel, even if it's not right. However, we always just let it flow.
We never think for a second time of what emotions we want to be feeling, or which one fits our current mood. In coincidence, it can feel that there is something missing inside you, sometimes it is hard to find unless you dig deep into yourself to believe that you can.
Others.....you may have to fight yourself to find the absolute feeling that you are seeking and many times this turns into a constant pause...because we know that it is not possible to force a feeling upon ourselves.

This missing sentiment can bring us down, then we strive to seek happiness.
But who knows what true happiness is, unless you are experiencing it at this moment in time.
And when we do find that happiness, we hold on tight,
Hold on so tight that nothing can break that bond between the feeling and yourself.

The way a missing sentiment comes about is when we loose ourselves or when something ruins us.
We are all riped and ready to be taken away, and time takes it all whether we like it or not.
Times takes it all, time bears it away and in the end you are left with nothing, but the darkness.
This is unavoidable,
Therefore, to help ourselves, we stand up for our inner conscious self and rise above all those that are less important and has less impact.
We will then keep walking forward and push ourselves to the very limit in order to fine that lost Sentiment that we have been looking for, for so long.

Giving Up.....

Whenever we feel down, or there are times when we feel lost - We just feel like giving up because there seems to be no other path to take or any other way to overcome this feeling.
Simply "Giving Up" is the best way to let go and feel free again.
I feel Lost, I just do not know what to do with my life anymore. This feeling is insecure to me and I cannot find a way to withdraw myself from this.
I can't talk to people about this, not my friends or family. The best thing to do is to write it down and let it pass me by just like 'Yesterday'.
There are time where I just think to myself, 'What are you doing?'. Actually I say this to myself everyday.
But, the answer to this question still lies as a mystery to myself. I do not know what I am doing. I feel alone when I ask myself this.
At this moment, I am not enjoying my life, It feels dark because I cannot express myself to anyone but myself. And it brings me down most times, that feeling when you feel that you have turned your back on everyone and caged yourself.
When you feel like this - you just want to 'Give Up'.

On the side, I want to give up on the course that I am doing, I feel useless on it and it just does not seem suitable for me anymore. However, I cannot find any other course that suits me at all. This just makes me feel like I am good at nothing and a failure.

I really do not know what to do anymore - Maybe some people are destined to fall.
But the fear of falling and knowing that nobody will catch you as you drop scares me. A lot.
When there is that feeling, where you feel every door closes in front of you and that there is no more crossroads for you to choose a path from.
When you are wandering behind close doors and everything just becomes too hard for you to handle.
Just GIVE UP.

The sense of relievment....

I am so relieved that I have finally got it out the way....
It was a 30 minute presentation which lasted around 40mins, I was nervous, non-confident, but hopefully I have done okay.
I hate it when I always lack confidence and feel that I need my team mates to carry me all the time, but during presentations I feel lost and just cannot find my way back to the surface again. However, today I think it went Okay, not good or fantastic but okay. But the problem is, my self esteem is low along with my confidence and sometimes I just do not feel it creeping up to a higher level. Now I'm worried that it may affect my other presentation when we have them. Even if I practice alot on my own, I am absolutely fine but when Im in my group I loose track and start to stutter and muddle up what I was to say.

I always look forward to an end of a presentation, This is when I feel most relieved. But, then again there are other things........

Horoscope....

The Crab - June 22 to July 22

Traditional Cancer Traits
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic
On the dark side....
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go


My horoscope is CANCER, I was born on 17th July 1990 at around 5am.
The Sign is represented by WATER and symbolised by the CRAB.
I am going to be honest as well, The traits  - Traditional and Dark both outline my personality very well.
I can be moody, and that is not sometimes. It's  usually when I disagree to something and I cannot find a better way to correct my self. But along side and can be Sympathetic, I always care too much about how other people feel threfore blanking my from myself.

Cancer people are said to have a tough image but inside your are really soft, That is true. I may not look soft, but I actually am.
We seek to be provided with stability in order for us to seek protection for ourselves. We have the ability for Sympathetic Understanding in order to understand those you care about around you.

There is one thing about Astrology that it teaches us to

" Understand Ourselves and Look For Ways of Improvement"

Green Day - 21 Guns

Do you know what's worth fighting for

When it's not worth dying for?

Does it take you breath away

And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weight out the pride?

And you look for a place to hide?

Does someone break your heart inside?

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms

Give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky

You and I

When you're at the end of the road

And you lost all sense of control

And your thoughts have taken their toll

When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass

And the hangover doesn't pass

Nothing's ever built to last

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms

Give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky

You and I

Did you try to live on your own

When you burned down the house and home?

Did you stand too close to the fire?

Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die

And you can't get another try

Something inside this heart has died

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms

Give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky

You and I

Holiday....

I have No idea why I am writting so many posts but this one is needed....!

I need a Holiday...
here is my hit list...

Ireland
Jersey
Rome
Paris
Hong Kong
Japan
Australia
Portugal
Miami
California
New Zeland
India
Malaysia
Italy
China
Dubai

More to come when I think of more places that I want to go.....

Boredom!

Boredom is a funny thing, when you get bored and just plainly cannot be bothered to do anything at all.
So bored that when you watch stuff or read stuff you still get really bored.

I can not say that I am bored at this moment, but I just wanted to say that sometimes I get so bored that I just do not know what to do, or that everything you do do is just Boring.
However, I do have a very short attention span, normally in lectures or tutorials where I can get bored really easily and then loose concentration....and then I loose track of what has been said!

Collaborate of 2009.....

Here goes...!!
From the beginning of 2009 to the end!
I could try to do it in chronological order, But that may not work as much.

    New Year 2009

This was good time,

Everyone was here and very drunk

But this year was different....

Winter during Feburary

Snow falls during Feburary, This year was January

There was a earlier post abot snow with this similar picture

It is my front garden.

BBQ

A friends had a BBQ at his house and after all of us went ot the park, which was only a minute walk away.

It had everything from swings to this bouncy bench that is shown in the picture.Fun Times

Birthday

It is my Ginger friend in the middle, It was her 17th (I think), but im pretty sure it was.

Meal

Just a general Meal

Results

Results day of my Final year in college and of my A-Levels, So it is good to have a meal just to celebrate. It was Yummy

Night Out

A SUNDAY night out during my summer holiday, It became rather regular.

BANKSY

Bansky exhibition in Bristol was only here for a limited time only,we went Monday and we qued for about 2 hours. It was not that bad since some people told me that they qued for 4 hours.

The Banksy stuff was actually scattered everywhere and you had to look carefully where they were.

I took loads of photo, But I did not take this, But this was the best one.

Clubbing Fun

Well, Not much to explain here, Just a normal night out raving it up in good PALACE

House Party

My friend Dibble held a hous party during the period her mum and dad went on holiday

This was the best picture of the batch where everyone took their soul to stardom on the Karaoke machine.

Carnage

A Special event where everyone gets absolutely hammered for no apparent reason.

Carnival

I can never stand close enough each year to take a perfect picture of a decent Float, Guess this will have to do.  =]

Panache

A night out in Panache, I do not really know the peopl in my picture, But it is nice.

OCEANA

Night out in the Bristol Oceana

And again

A night out at Oceana again. Seems like the only place that we know there are alot of people on Mondays.

Pub Golf

A Special event made for the peopl on the course of ITMB, everyone was rather drunk and I ahve to say mixing the drinks were not a good idea.

Halloween

Halloween at Syndicate, was not a very good night, It was Quiet and Wandering into the boys toilet was not a good Idea.

Student Union

A general night at the SU

Friendly chat and just a few drinks

Burnham On Sea

A tourist place, so they call it. We were mainly there for ice cream reasons so not bad.

Wookey Hole

A cave place in Somerset. This was a nice place, but most of the people I talk to about Wookey Hole they have no idea what I am talking about.

It was a good place with a Big KING KONG and if you are not scared to get dirty you can lie down onto it's hand and pretend you are in the movies.

Family Meal

We have family time now and again, Usually to a pub meal when someone wins a bit of Cash, thereofre you can enjoy it knowing that it is worth it!

New Year 2010

And ehre we are again, back to the new year of 2010, living in the present time but cannot forget about the past. It holds too many memories and I would say Hold to them as long as possible.

I am not really sure whether or not I have missed any photos of, But there is a possibilty that I may have. If I do I will probabaly upload them to make it complete!

So here it is, Year of 2009!!

One Tree Hill - Season 3 Episode 1, Peyton..

"At this moment, there are, Six Billion, Four hundred and Seventy million,

Eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred

and seventy one people in the world,

Some are running scared,

Some are coming home,

Some tell lies to make it through the day,

Other are just not facing the truth,

Some are evil man at war with good,

And some are good struggling with evil,

Six billion people in the world and six Billion souls and

Sometimes all you need is one" 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

They are always here when you need them
They Make you laugh
They make you live
They make you have a good time
They are good Listeners
They always have a shoulder for you to cry on

They are called FRIENDS!

Its over for now....

So, today we handed in the work that is needed for the presentation....
It is a great thing of my chest....
Because i couldnt stand that pathetic worried looking face of a MAN....and you call it a MAN...but it does not act like one...!
And to be honest...when he kept mumbling to me, I felt really pressured and I actually wanted to cry, that is how hard it is to deal with that IT.
Oh and in a middle of the class...I randomly had a nose bleed....Bit embarassing...but instead of going straight to the toilet...I actually sat then and asked my friends if they had a tissue...bit of a stupididty thing....but ah....what are you going to do!...
Then again
The other team mate does not make a effort to even turn up......little does that team mate know.....I have considered whether or not that person will be in my group for any longer..!
Mean as it sounds....but Everyone has to be selfish one day
And I may choose a day next week...

Ah.....all in all.....under my softness I can bee a right ass licking biatch.....
There...I said it....it comes to a stage where you just get fed up of doing work for other people to get marks that I have to be a Biatch....ha!

Oh well..after that rant I actually feel better......
Gavin and Stacey on the side....Chillaxin ...
However, Need to look for a house...
I don't even know how many peopl.... 6 or 7....
Hmmm...confused and difficult..!!
Well, that's life I guess.
Wonder what the future has in for me...!
So as long as Ice Cream is still around I am as happy as can be.
Good friends to which means its all good company....

And as I mentioned in the title....
It is all over for now...
but it will soon begin once again.....
So when it begins it will begin!


At this very moment....I realy feel like KARAOKE.....
"Come Fly with me....lalalalaaaaa......"
Brilliant!

Stressed? - Sort it out!

Some people get so stressed that little things can just trigger their emotion, whether to cry, anger, confusion or even tiredness.....
When I say some people I meant everyone, everyone gets stressed some point in their lives and we all get lost of how to overcome this stressing feeling. I had a friend who got stressed that she started crying just for no reason, others like myself, loose their temper and has a go at the nearest person next to them - but not just on anything on coursework!
One of my team mates always look so worried and there is actually nothing to worry about, his worried face just stresses me out and at some point I have to urge just to Punch him so hard and knock him out so that I can feel better about myself. But I guess no one has this kind of incentive, therefore we have to deal with stress in other ways.

First things first, get the work out the way. But I was too stressed to do that so I work along to a film, no music, just a film. Usually one that has a happy ending to it or mainly cartoons. I just need sound when I work and it is important to me because without it I just stress out and do nothing.
If I get bored I play music. But through my headphones and something smooth such as Country just to calm you down and in a  way it does really help.
Take a nap.
Or if you are really active  - take it out on a punch bag. I really think I should have one.
I sort my stress by phoning a friend and have a little chat or catch up, hearing a familiar voice is cool.


There is alot of work set at the moment, and after doing all the things I said help me cope with stress, it does not seem to work as well as it use too.....so instead just forget about everything and go take a long sleep, this seems to be the most suitable way for myself to chill and relax at the same time.

I try anything, but the important thing is not to let stress get to you, sometimes you just can not hide from it because it comes up naturally when you are under pressure or if there are too much stuff going on or even meeting deadlines when you are a student. Also when you have team mate that do not contribute as much as you want them to. When you feel like this, You feel like you want to QUIT......I sure in hell DO!!
I do not even know what I am fighting for or working so hard for, I don't know if this is the right course or have set out my path correctly. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with myself, But I guess not and this is the time when your really think hard about your life, when you are STRESSED.
To be honest Sleeping it off does not really work, but I tell myself it does so that I will not think about it because when you wake up everything is still there.

The only way to deal with stress is to get rid of the thing that made you stress out in the first place.
But sometimes you just have so much work that you feel lost and confused -
Sometimes the Word TEAM means work together, but most times it just feels like you are on your own.

Life at its Highest!!!!

Okay...
So I have a few assignments that have been set, they are
Business Applications
System Development
Information Communication Practice
Management Organisational Behaviour
...
It is heavy, and along the side I need to keep in mind my other subjects such as I.T, UFI else I would forget what I learnt and result in failures to my exams. It is actually a very annoying course and most the time I always think about changing to another one that I would prefer more too or go into a area which I may find more adaptable to myself, such as Finance.

I just feel like I can never make a decision that I am happy with, big decision such as choosing a course, or which Uni to go too. Sometimes I wish I could have gone much further then just Bristol, have gone onto another course -  ahhhh...but its life. and you cannot experience everything. You have to make a decision and live up to it.

I have to do work now, as you seen my list, I need to work!
Else nothing will be done, or even worse I do the work and more comes along, therefore it just seems I never complete work.

I have a presentation probs in the next two weeks, but we have to hand in our work on thursday. Bad thing is I already have alot to do and yet my team is thinking about Brownie points - basically to get more marks instead of the basic. Therefore, I will need to do the work and finish off. When I have so much work, I can not be bothered to go out but instead I rather have someone to talk to  - sometimes it is always better!

So here I go again - Im off to WORK!!!!