Freedom.....

From a young age I started working as my family have a business of their own. Like a typical Chinese family owning a Chinese takeaway along with a chipshop it is just inevitable that I cannot lead a normal childhood life. I started answering phones from the age of 10 and then started serving at the age of 12 and this has not changed from today at the age of 20. From within my 20 years we have moved house 3 times and I have attended up to 5 schools and college and one University.


I never get any freedom, I didn’t even get to choose the University I wished to attend or whether I wanted to move about all my life, whether I wanted to keep starting fresh in my school years. I just guess parents just do not understand their kids’ feelings. I have been through some horrible times in my life that I am afraid to tell them because I guess I am scared. Due to the lack of freedom I find it difficult to tell them what I want to do with my life in case they start lecturing me or shout at me and tell me that I have a selfish mind and that I do not care about anything but myself. I find that I have no right to do what I want in fear of them turning their backs on me.

I guess this is why I start having my tantrums; when I talk to other parent and they say I just let my kids choose their own ways, choose the university they like. I feel torn inside, I feel like I want to cry in a little corner on my own because I never had that incentive. I implied I wanted to go further then Bristol but then my parents would say you cannot come home every weekend to work and then say why go so far?.......it is upsetting. I do not think they understand me much at all. To be honest they do not spend much time with me when I was little so I guess this is why I am not as close to them as some of my friends are to their parents. It actually upsets me writing this. I do notice, I do look closely at people’s relationship with their mums and dads and sometimes I wish that I could be like that.