Freedom.....

From a young age I started working as my family have a business of their own. Like a typical Chinese family owning a Chinese takeaway along with a chipshop it is just inevitable that I cannot lead a normal childhood life. I started answering phones from the age of 10 and then started serving at the age of 12 and this has not changed from today at the age of 20. From within my 20 years we have moved house 3 times and I have attended up to 5 schools and college and one University.


I never get any freedom, I didn’t even get to choose the University I wished to attend or whether I wanted to move about all my life, whether I wanted to keep starting fresh in my school years. I just guess parents just do not understand their kids’ feelings. I have been through some horrible times in my life that I am afraid to tell them because I guess I am scared. Due to the lack of freedom I find it difficult to tell them what I want to do with my life in case they start lecturing me or shout at me and tell me that I have a selfish mind and that I do not care about anything but myself. I find that I have no right to do what I want in fear of them turning their backs on me.

I guess this is why I start having my tantrums; when I talk to other parent and they say I just let my kids choose their own ways, choose the university they like. I feel torn inside, I feel like I want to cry in a little corner on my own because I never had that incentive. I implied I wanted to go further then Bristol but then my parents would say you cannot come home every weekend to work and then say why go so far?.......it is upsetting. I do not think they understand me much at all. To be honest they do not spend much time with me when I was little so I guess this is why I am not as close to them as some of my friends are to their parents. It actually upsets me writing this. I do notice, I do look closely at people’s relationship with their mums and dads and sometimes I wish that I could be like that.

Picking Up the BEST BITS!!!

There are many situations which leave us feeling Happy, Sad, and Excited, Energetic etc. But these feelings are developed through the interactions of one person to another. Many can be casual conversations and gossip but on the other hand these can be developed through arguments.
Occurrence of these does not always wind up the way you want but they cannot be hidden from as in life you will always come across situations where you have not volunteered for. However, whatever this particular situation that we are facing is – we must learn from them and pick out the best bits. You may think that within an argument there is no best bit. But you are wrong and you cannot disagree with this as within an argument there must be a place where you could be wrong. The best bit is the area where you must pick up from and mend it, the evil of arguments always come from the inside of yourself and you must learn from it. You cannot give into you’re feelings of inferiority. It may seem hard at times to control, but I am doing my best although it is a step by step process. I too find it difficult to cope and blocking out all the best bits - but the truth is that I have never actually thought to seek it. Nor in memories or moments where you can always look back to - I have never given the best bits colour and let them glow, let them stand out to everything else.

All I know is everyone underestimates a situation, conversation and believe that they are just day by day moments that happen but if you do not pick out the best bit of these moments and feed you memories with those that help you learn or help you realise the person that you are then maybe you should start. It is never too late to pick out the best moment of a situation as deepen it into your memory so to look back and believe that it will glow and stand out even if it does not make you smile, cry or whether it hold great deal of significance.

I am going to be honest. I do not know why I am writing this entry. It may not make any sense to anyone reading but I know exactly what I am talking about. Maybe I am trying to explain that even in situations that are worst then those you normally experience – you can still pick out a best bit from them and let it glow for a little while.

CATCH UP!!

I need to catch up on ONE TREE HILL..I think I stopped on season 4 and there are a bunch of characters that have appeared and I have no idea who they are, who they are related to, How they came out.....Blah Blah Blah.....
But I will...I just started Uni so I guess now is not the time...so......I shall wait..!!

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Here We Go.....

I have not updated for a while so here I go.
It has been a while since I could not sleep and be woekn up half way through the Night, but I guess it just needs some getting used to. Ever realised we always drift back into the past. Inevitable that is.
I am slowly adapting back to the University life, Going to bed early and gettin up early. However there is one thing different this year and that is I am Driving .....so to speak I have to beat the traffic.
Also learnt he road of Bristol.....
I do admit that I have a Disorder for road Directions since I need to drive around or on the same path at least 5 times before it is fully intacted into my memory.
But I guess I am not the only one........hopefully!

It is getting late. Although this post is not as long as my previous ones, I am tired. So.......... Goodnight!!....